I’m in the Fine Wine business and I’m Irish, so obviously I drink. Now that I’m officially married to someone in the Army, I can’t just run away whenever he moves to someplace rural (though I try). I’m contractually obligated to live in the middle of nowhere; ’til death do us part. And so I don’t kill anyone, I spend a lot of time searching for ways to maintain my lavish, lush lifestyle.
Providing wines to clients in 43 different states has always been something I’ve enjoyed doing, but honestly, I never really understood what kind of service I was providing until recently. Now at Ft. Rucker, AL, I see why I have so many clients in the small towns of Midwestern and Southern states: they need me. When you live somewhere that is nostalgic for the days of the cotton gin, civil war or prohibition, you have to think outside the boxed wine. The following are tips on how to drink well, despite your locale…
1. Get a Wine Consultant (cough).
4. If the local libations don’t meet your standards, then lower them.
5. Stop drinking.
6. If none of numbers 2 through 5 appeal to you, reconsider number 1.
But seriously, Folks, when your choices are limited, you have to make the best of it without stooping to Wal-Mart’s level. When in a more rural environment, you really have to invest in your own personal space and knowledge:
1. Be your own bartender. Buy a craft cocktail book, follow CocktailTube or make it up as you go. You are more likely to drink well at home for the same price that you would drink from the “well” at the local bar ….or even the high-end stuff if you live where I live…
2. Make your home the hottest place in town. Even if your wine cellar is in the closet and you have to give up the dining area to accommodate a bar (this is literally my home right now,) make sure to be stocked with the ingredients for a good time.
3. If you are also in a Military town, on base may be your best option. Case in point, the only place you can buy beer on tap or alcohol on Sundays here is on base. It’s not ideal but you know what they say: desperate times…
4. Entertain. In areas like Enterprise, AL, a night on the town is more disappointing than the wine list at McDonald’s. Find a small group of friends, make a nice meal from scratch, add some great wine and cocktails and let it run its course. You don’t have to stay out until 2 am with a bunch of honkies, hipsters or high-and-tights.
5. Find others like you. Advertise, use Meetup.com to create a group or club. …So far I am the only member of my group, but in my defense, I’ve been traveling on business. But this weekend, these flyers are going up! Stay tuned for my progress…
6. Outsmart Blue Laws by stocking your bar at the beginning of the week and ordering your wines on Fridays to be there the following week. This way you can have Sunday Fun-day with brunch, football and friends no matter what sort of Puritan Institution governs your town.
Have your own way of coping with blue laws, dry counties or cow towns? I’d love to hear from you!